WRITINGS OF VARIOUS TOPICS!
WRITING SHOULD BE PART OF OUR EVERYDAY LIFE!

the first draft of unit 3!

this is the first draft that i wrote after some invention work. i  just brainstormed for the first essay. i know i have to add more. i will find more to add. until then  this is what i have! unit-3-first-draft

2 Responses to “the first draft of unit 3!”

  1. Notes for Peer’s Oral Response

    Essay # _3__

    Writer _____Nadib Al-Islam______ Peer Respondent ___Amanda Carzoli___________

    Instructions: Listen to the essay carefully. Take at least two minutes after the reading to complete the following notes, and then share your reactions orally with the writer. Submit the completed form to your teacher at the end of the Peer Response activity.

    (+) What works? (praise)

    There are some good puns at the beginning relating to basketball. It makes the essay interesting from the start (“team EA” and “improvements on both sides of the ball.”) Stylistically, it’s well written and flows nicely.

    (-) What Doesn’t (polish)

    Obviously you need to add to it and present more details. You need to work on your organization too-don’t waste all the changes in the first paragraph. Spend more time talking about the history and previous versions of the game in the first paragraph.

    (?) Questions?

    What position have you taken? Is it good, or bad because the changes were only in the way you can play the game. Make this more clear in your next drafts.

    acarzoli - April 24, 2008 at 3:48 pm

  2. Notes for Peer’s Oral Response

    Essay # __3__

    Writer ________Nadib________ Peer Respondent __________Betim____________

    Instructions: Listen to the essay carefully. Take at least two minutes after the reading to complete the following notes, and then share your reactions orally with the writer. Submit the completed form to your teacher at the end of the Peer Response activity.

    (+) What works? (praise)
    - I like that you seem to know what you are talking about in describing every aspect in the proper name used for in the actual game.

    - You give good detail on the game play.

    (-) What Doesn’t (polish)
    - There are many terms that people are not familiar with and you don’t do anything to try and explain them.
    - You say that things are different in the 08 version but don’t offer any explanation as to how.
    _ I think you should separate into different paragraphs different aspects of the game. For example separate explaining the game play from the different features in it.

    (?) Questions?
    What is EA?
    What is dynamic broadcast-style perspective?
    How do the graphics differ from previous versions?

    ezswoosh - April 24, 2008 at 3:50 pm


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